Should I tell my boss I'm leaving -- unless I get a raise?

Dear Liz,

I've been in my job for 18 months.

When I took the job, I badly needed employment.

I took the job for a ridiculously low salary. If I hadn't been so desperate, I would have turned it down.

I spent a year revamping our marketing program from the ground up. I know my hard work made a difference.

This company's marketing program was a disaster when I started the job, and now it rocks.

I was very glad to get the experience and the resume fodder as you call it, but I also need to get paid fairly.

For the entire first year my boss told me, "I know you're underpaid. Don't worry, I'll take care of you when your annual review comes around."

My review came around at my one-year anniversary.

I designed a Power Point presentation to show my boss and his boss what I had accomplished.

My boss said, "This is great information. I'm going to get you a big raise."

I got a $4000 annual increase. It was a bigger pay increase than my company usually gives out, but it still didn't get me up to the market rate for my job. It's not even close.

The good news is that headhunters constantly reach out to me to tell me about other jobs that pay at least $10K more than I'm earning now.

I don't tell them my current salary. If I did, they would assume I'm not qualified to move up.

I know I could get a better-paying job but I like my job.

I like my boss. He knows I'm drastically underpaid even after getting that $4000 increase. He says, "The problem is that you just got a $4000 raise six months ago and my boss will have a hard time understanding why you need another raise so soon."

Should I tell my boss that he's going to lose me if I don't get at least another $4000 pay increase?

If I play that card and give my boss an ultimatum, then I have to follow through with it. If he doesn't give me a big raise, I have to keep my word and leave.

If I tell my boss I'm going to quit unless I get another raise, he might feel resentful. He might start to see me as an enemy. Right now, he sees me as his right hand.

I don't know what to do.

Help!

Thanks Liz -

Yours,

Shawn

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Dear Shawn,

When you see your life as a path you are walking, you will see that other people's paths can intersect with yours.

Sometimes we walk alongside someone for a short time. Sometimes we walk alongside them for years before our paths and theirs go in different directions. It's not fair to expect someone to continue to walk alongside you if their path doesn't lead that way.

Your boss hired you when you needed a job. He gave you the opportunity to do some wonderful and valuable things that grew your flame and helped your company succeed. He went to bat for you and got you a raise. That raise didn't get you to the market level for the job you do, but it was the best your boss could do.

Your boss was honest. He told you how far he can step. He can't step far enough to keep you. That doesn't make him a bad guy. It just means that you and your boss are on different paths. Why ask your boss to try and be someone he isn't?

Your boss doesn't have the juice to go back to his boss and argue for another pay increase. You are pushing on a rope, as the expression goes.

You are hoping against hope that your boss suddenly becomes your fearless champion. He's not going to do that. He works for a company that underpays people. He's probably underpaid himself. He hired you at a galley-slave wage, so he knows the company is frugal to the point of self-destructiveness but he still keeps his job.

Don't threaten to quit or give your boss an ultimatum. That won't help. If he gave you a raise just to keep you on board for a while, he would resent being pushed into a corner. Just start a stealth job search and move on.

It is hard to let go. It is hard to say, "I got what I came to this job to get, and now it's time to get back on my path." It's hard to do, but it's essential.

Don't say another word to your boss about your below-market pay. Just start taking calls from headhunters and take a job that feels like the next, best move for you. When you've accepted the offer, let your boss know that you appreciate everything he's done for you and that you will be leaving the company.

We only frustrate ourselves when we expect people around us to be more than they can be at any given moment. Your boss is who he is. Accept that and accept the fact that your flame is still growing. You will leave this job and team up with people whose flames are bigger than your boss's flame is right now.

Don't judge your boss or anyone else who disappoints you.

They are not doing the things they do and saying the things they say to hurt you. They are only trying to protect themselves -- something we all do, and something that fearful people do more than most.

One day you will look back and be grateful that your boss nudged you back on your path -- exactly where you need to be!

All the best,

Liz

Source: forbes.com