While your lips are still red

Cứ mải miết đi tìm cho mình một điều gì đó mới mẻ. Bỗng dưng nhìn lại, thấy những gì tưởng đã quen thuộc từ lâu chợt hoá thành xa lạ...

Chuyện chiếc xe đạp

......

Anh chở tình anh trên xe đạp
Mặc ai kia ngó, mặc ai dòm
Dễ gì mang một cô công chúa
Đặt vào xe, rồi khẽ cúi hôn

Anh chở em đi bằng xe đạp
Mồ hôi ra đẫm hết vai gầy
Thương ghê ngọn gió sau lưng đã
Thổi mát đời anh trong cánh tay

Cám ơn em dám ngồi xe đạp
Để cho anh quên mất mình nghèo
Cám ơn em đã không đánh phấn
Nhìn anh bằng con mắt trong veo.

Chuyện Chiếc Xe Đạp - Bùi Chí Vinh

33 ways to care

Caring for somebody is the ultimate form of freedom. Whenever you genuinely care for somebody else, you’re setting yourself free. Free from judging, free to accept the other one exactly for who she/he is, free to express your love without a reason. Caring is also one of the rarest attitudes in the modern world, where most of the time is perceived as a form of weakness, if not as plain stupidity. To such an extent that people almost forgot how to express it. Here are 33 ways to help you remember how to care.

1. Support

Don’t just look at the other, acknowledging from a distance his actions, his intentions, his ideas. Support her/his actions. Put yourself into the other person shoes. Help that person, if you can. Say something nice, at least. Or just do things that will ease or support her/his activities. Be there somehow in flesh and bones.

2. Don’t Hold A Grudge

People say or do things that you may not like. But remember that all people are ok. Their actions may not be in sync with what you want or with what you expect. That doesn’t mean the people who performed those actions are not worthy of your attention. On the contrary. Maybe that’s the time they’ll need you the most.

3. Give Advice Only When It’s Needed

People have their own minds, their own expectations, their own lives. Give advice only when it’s needed, otherwise you will obtain the opposite effect. Your genuine intention to help will be in fact perceived as a pressure. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for somebody is to let him hit his own wall.

4. Don’t Take Crap

Rejecting crap (in all of its forms: words, actions, attitudes) is not only a form of self-respect, but also a way to show them that you really care: “I understand you and I see what you’re doing, but I’m not taking it”. Eventually, they’ll realize there’s something wrong somewhere. If you find it difficult to avoid crap, start practicing your “No”’s.

5. Share

Share a nice word. A good joke. A meal. A book you’ve recently read. A place on the bench in the park. Share your good mood and your ideas. Share your memories and experience. Sharing your life with other people will enrich them at least as much as it will fill you with joy and comfort. Sharing IS caring.

6. Avoid Fighting

When there’s too much pressure in a relationship, that compressed energy tends to explode uncontrollably in fights. Don’t go there. A fight is an act of selfishness: “look, I’m so pissed off that I need to let out steam and I don’t care about you”. Instead, find ways to recycle that aggressiveness and balance your energies.

7. Reciprocate

If you received a nice word, give it back. If you received a gift, give one back. If somebody smiled at you, return the smile. If you don’t reciprocate, you break a subtle channel of energies that are building our day to day experience. Soon, you’ll be disconnected. Not able to receive or to give care anymore.

8. Protect

Things can break down. Relationships can lose momentum. Feelings can fade away. Everything can disappear, dissolve, get lost, unless you don’t actively protect it. Pay attention to your stuff. Fortify your relationships. Nurture you feelings. Protect what you really care for. What you give will come back to you somehow.

9. Get Out Of The Way

Sometimes you gotta understand that you’re the one that’s holding things back. You are the obstacle in the other person way. For the sake of “good old times”, or just because you’re feeling insecure. The best thing to do for somebody is to set her/him free. Get out of the way and let them break free. You’ll be ok. They’ll be ok too.

10. Say Thank You

As often as you can. There is no imaginable context in which you cannot say “thank you” when somebody does something for you. Or at least I can’t imagine such a context. Saying “thank you” is not only the simplest form of respect, but also the easiest way to show that you’re just caring.

11. Listen

At least as much as you talk. If you don’t listen, something strange will happen: soon you’ll run out of things to talk about. Listening is what feeds your thoughts, what triggers new ideas, what confirms your suppositions. Remember how you felt last time when somebody listened to you? That’s what I’m talking about.

12. Trust

If you can. Give to the other person all the freedom she/he’s asking for. Even if that freedom crosses the boundaries you’d be willing to accept. That’s the only way to find out if you’re in a healthy relationship. If you don’t have reasons to trust the other, then don’t. In this case, you will show that you care about yourself.

13. Forgive

Forgiveness is an incredible gift. Unfortunately, it’s heavily underused. We still don’t understand the benefits of forgiveness as a mundane, daily act. We either push it into the religion realm, taking its life away by making it a dead, dogmatic concept, either avoid it all together as a social “faux pas”. Just let go. The person who’s freed by forgiveness is you.

14. Get Involved

One of the miracles of life is that you are at the same time the observer and the player in this huge game. You can watch, but you can also do. Getting involved means helping the game going on. Being just an observer and experiencing feelings of compassion will never help you genuinely care about somebody. You can’t really care if you’re not there.

15. Teach Others

If you learned something, don’t keep it to yourself. Go out and teach others. Maybe you think your life is not worthy of such an honor, maybe you think you’re just an ordinary person. And that might be true. But there are millions of ordinary persons in this world who can benefit from your experience.

16. Inspire

Sometimes all you have to do is to live a life of freedom. Live the adventure, become extraordinaire and others will pick up. It’s called inspiration. Focus on what you do better and in the end, other people will tune in to your vibration and start to do extraordinaire stuff by themselves. Be a great blogger a loving father or just you. But be great at being you.

17. Motivate

If inspiration is not enough, don’t be afraid to push it further, to motivate directly. Motivation does not last, they say, but so it’s bathing. This is why is recommended to be done every day (Zig Ziglar said that, not me). Make a list of what motivates you and share it. You’ll be surprised how many people will care about it.

18. Pay Attention

To what the other one is doing. Just look at how he talks, how he looks, what actions he performs. Your attitude will channel a flow of invisible energy which will somehow validate and support her/him. Your attention, your focus, is what builds your reality. Putting your focus on the other one will make her/him alive.

19. Remember

It’s not only about birthdays or special days from your shared history. Although those are utterly important too, of course. But it’s also about what the other one likes or doesn’t likes. About what she/he thinks about certain things. Remembering all those details is like reinforcing your commitments: “I know and I accept what you want”.

20. Pay Yourself First

Might seem totally counter intuitive and awfully against this post topic. But it’s not. A mindless altruism is the shortest path to decay. Don’t give away your time, your actions or yourself foolishly. Instead, be well so you can help others be well too. Be balanced so you can bring balance to others too. Be self sustained so you can help others achieve self-sustainability too.

21. Be Patient

In everything. Real things are not unfolding instantly, they need time to grow, to manifest. Be patient with the other one if she/he is going through some tough times. It will help getting over the heat. Be patient with the other one if she/he is on the peak of its career. It will make the happy days taste even better.

22. Give Feedback

All the time, in all the imaginable situations. Say out loud you liked or didn’t liked something, but give feedback. As the name implies, feedback will feed something. In this case, the actual relationship. If you don’t care about a relationship, the easiest way to break it is to stop giving feedback. It will die in a few weeks.

23. Ignore The Unimportant

Too much time and attention are wasted on useless, not important things. Either by uncontrollable addiction, either by lack of personal values. Ignore what’s unimportant about the other one until you get to her/his real, indivisible core. That’s where you should put the attention. Learning to ignore should be taught in schools.

24. Surprise Him/Her

Break the flow of the predictable events in her/his life with small surprises. Might be just an unexpected end of the evening or a sudden trip to the countryside. Surprises are a way to fracture the other one familiar reality and fill the crack with pleasant, enjoyable life slices. The bigger the surprise, the more enjoyable the life slice…

25. Think Nicely About Her/Him

You do what you repeatedly tell to yourself to do. Your actions are a direct consequences of your thoughts. If you keep having supportive thoughts about the other one, your actions will eventually follow. The root of everything you do or experience is in your thoughts. Don’t let them wander at lost.

26. Make Plans Together

Making plans will always make God laugh, that’s true. But that doesn’t mean you should stop doing them. On the contrary, you should keep God laughing for as much as you can, wouldn’t you? Projecting a new reality together is an incredibly powerful form of caring. You may never be there, in that new reality, but at least your tried together.

27. Talk

Ask questions. Respond to questions. Say yes or no. But do talk. Keep the communication channels opened. Don’t think the other one should guess what you want, what you need or what you may want to happen in your life. Give clear answers, and ask clear questions. An uncomfortable truth shows more caring than a comfortable but deceiving silence.

28. Smile

As often as you can. There are persons who are somehow killing your smile before it’s even born. With pessimism, anger or just constant irony and arrogance. Smile in their presence even more, regardless of the fact that it will take incredibly more effort from you. Smiling is the cheapest and most effective act of caring.

29. Write A Letter

Doesn’t necessarily have to be a full letter. Leave a note on the fridge. Send a short email out of the blue. Even the message doesn’t have to be something deep, or serious or fundamental. Just a simple “wish you a good day” or “I’m thinking at you” will do miracles. Start now.

30. Cook For Her/Him

Sharing food used to be an ecstatic and spiritual experience. Traces of this my be found in our modern society, when inviting somebody over to dinner has most of the time hidden meanings. Again, doesn’t have to be an exotic meal, but the mere fact of feeding the other one will trigger some deeply buried feelings of security and comfort.

31. Give A Present Out Of The Blue

Giving presents is a great way to mark special occasions, but giving presents out of the blue will make any occasion a special one. The only thing you should pay attention to is not to buy your way to the other one’s heart, because it wouldn’t last long. But a genuine, carefully taught present, will always leave a positive mark.

32. Criticize. Constructively

If you don’t agree with something, speak up. Maybe the other one doesn’t realize that her/his path is a wrong one. If you sense something bad, it’s not only an act of kindness to point (politely and gently) to the other one’s mistakes, but also a respected act of responsibility. An honest and good critique always ends up with a “thank you”.

33. Eliminate Expectations

People are people.Don’t act like they follow a certain algorithm. They will never do. People are doing strange things. They will surprise you, amaze you or disappoint you. Eliminate all expectations and just be happy because you share this moment, this place or this life. Life is not fair sometimes, that’s true. But it’s always beautiful.

Source: dragosroua.com

Cũng là người

Rót nghiêng năm tháng vào ly
Mắt nheo bóng xế tay che nỗi buồn
Rót đầy băng giá cô đơn
Rót thao thức nhớ rót hờn giận quên

Cũng là người. Sao có người đánh rơi cả cái mũ không thèm quay lại nhặt. Có người chẳng đánh rơi cái gì mà lại rất hay đi nhặt nhạnh. Bởi họ luôn nghĩ rằng: Năng nhặt chặt bị.

Cũng là người. Sao có người chân vòng kiềng lại còn cứ thích mặc váy. Có người chân dài đến nách, mặc quần vải đẩy xe bán hàng rong ngoài đường (hôm tớ nhìn thấy một chị cao khoảng 1m73, đẩy xe bán rong ngoài đường, gọi vào mua cái bấm móng tay tiện thể nhìn mặt - xinh phết, phí).

Cũng là người. Có người quen nhau rồi mà nhìn nhau mặt vẫn lạnh te như Washington. Có người chưa quen nhưng đã thấy thân thiện và gần gũi rồi.

Cũng là người. Sao có người chẳng cần đánh gì lên mặt trông vẫn xinh. Có người trát cả cân phấn lên mặt mà vẫn không đỡ được.

Cũng là người. Sao có người chỉ mơ ước có một việc làm ổn định để bình yên bên gia đình. Có người lại tham danh vọng, muốn làm giàu thật nhanh bởi luôn nghĩ rằng: làm giàu không khó.

Cũng là người. Có người chỉ mong ước được một lần đến Hồ Gươm chơi. Có người thì thường xuyên đua xe quanh Hồ.

Cũng là người. Sao có người chỉ thích học gần nhà, gần ba mẹ, gần ngưòi thân. Có ngưòi lại chỉ thích bay thật xa, đến những nơi lạnh lẽo thiếu thốn đủ thứ và những tình cảm thân thương.

Cũng là người. Sao có người đi SH LX nhìn đằng sau dáng đẹp, tóc đẹp, quần hiệu, áo body sát sàn sạt, giầy Nine West… lên đằng trước nhìn mặt chẳng liên quan. Có người đi xe đạp thôi cũng đã thấy yêu ơi là yêu ấy.

Cũng là người. Sao có người cả đời mình chẳng bao giờ quên được. Có nguời gặp rồi không muốn gặp nữa.

Cũng là người. Sao có người cứ nhận những thứ của người khác - là của mình. Có người lại toàn đem những gì mình có - chia cho người khác.

Cũng là người. Có người 5 năm yêu 1 người. Có người yêu một lúc 5 tên.

Cũng là người. Có người nấu cơm ngon ơi là ngon. Có người lại chỉ thích ăn cơm hàng.

Cũng là người. Có người cầm tờ giấy kẹo cả tiếng tìm thùng rác. Có người thì lúc nào cũng đứng cạnh thùng rác (vì chỗ nào cũng xả).

Cũng là người. Có người quý trọng cơ thể mình biết bao. Có người lại cứ thích đập đi, xây lại, lắp ráp, xẻo chỗ này đắp chỗ kia - trên chính cơ thể mình.

Cũng là người. Có người cố gắng sống sao cho thật - còn chưa ăn ai. Có (những) người - lại chỉ biết sống Ảo.

Cũng là người. Khi đã thành ngôi sao, hát có chán, cát-xê mấy chục ấu. Có người hát thật đắm say mê hồn, chưa nổi tiếng - cũng chỉ mấy trăm nghìn.

Cũng là người. Có người ở quê chỉ có 5 kênh VTV - học vẫn giỏi. Có người ở trên thành phố có cả wireless - kém vẫn hoàn kém.

Cũng là người. Có người học năm thứ ba đại học đi xe đạp vẫn oách. Có (đứa) học cấp 3 đi xe to xe đẹp - mà vẫn bị người ta khinh.

Cũng là người. Có người để tóc tém trông thật cá tính. Có người không nuôi được tóc, bỏ 5,6 triệu để nối một bộ tóc phù du không phải của mình.

Cũng là người. Sao nhà giàu, đã giàu còn cho vay lãi cao. Nhà nghèo, đã nghèo còn phải đi vay lãi cao nhà giàu.

Cũng là người. Sao có người săn sang đến với nhau giúp đỡ nhau trong cơn hoạn nạn. Có kẻ gây ra tai nạn mà hèn mạt bỏ chạy.

Cũng là người. Có người ước mơ cả đời có đứa con. Có người đã từng có giây phút làm mẹ - nhưng sẵn sàng tước bỏ nó - thậm chí nhiều lần.

Cũng là người. Sao có người là phụ huynh không muốn con mình đi chơi nhiều vì sợ hư. Có những bác phụ huynh còn lấy làm hãnh diện với hàng xóm - khi con gái mình được nhiều con trai đến đón.

Cũng là người. Có người với 10 triệu trang trải miếng cơm manh áo, 100 triệu xây được nhà, 1 tỷ làm việc thiện. Có người, 10 triệu cho một chai rượu, 100 cho một đêm bay, và 1 tỷ cho những cuộc ăn chơi triền miên.

Cũng là người ấy. Sao vừa yêu chó. Vừa thích ăn thịt chó.

Cũng là người. Sao có người coi vịêc nội trơ là một niềm vui trong cuộc sống. Có người lại coi: “Không bao giờ phải làm việc nhà” - là một niềm tự hào.

Cũng là người. Có người yêu quý ngôi nhà của mình biết bao. Có người cũng yêu quý nhà mình lắm nhưng sự lựa chọn của họ không phải là nhà mình - mà là nhà nghỉ.

Cũng là người. Sao có người nói “hãy làm việc đi” hiểu theo nghĩa này. Ngưòi hiểu theo nghĩa khác.

Cũng là chữ cái. Trẻ con đánh vần A, Bờ, Cờ. Người lớn nói abc - tức là nói không đơn giản là chữ cái.

Cũng là chữ X. Trẻ con sẽ là Xe đạp, Xích lô, Xúc xích. Người lớn sẽ là XXX.

Cũng là đôi mắt. Có đôi mắt nhìn thấu tâm can. Có đôi mắt chỉ soi vẻ bề ngoài.

Ừ thì cũng là em. Ngày xưa của tôi em búng bính trắng trong, long lanh thuần khiết. Em bây giờ cao sang sành điệu đê mê - tất nhiên không phải của tôi nữa.

Sưu tầm.

How not to feed your daemons

Everybody has daemons. And I’m not talking about those small, dormant, discrete programs running in the background of your computer (I know a few programmers are reading this blog so I thought to cut any ambiguities from the start). I’m talking about real, active and powerful forces which are acting in a disruptive way.

Sometimes those forces are taking the form of people. Abusive people who are restricting your choices, violent people who are constantly threatening you or simply unknown persons who are abusing you all of a sudden. Sometimes, those forces are inside you. Addictions, compulsions, irrepressible actions which are dragging you down without any opposition from yourself.

Whatever the form, those forces exist. And they play their part in our lives.

Meet Your Daemons

When faced with those forces, some people choose to take the victim position: “Why me? Why am I confronted with these forces? I’m not deserving this. There must be a mistake.” Nope. It isn’t. As unexpected and undeserved as it seems, that situation is there. Playing the victim won’t make it disappear.

Other may choose to take the karma position: “I lived many lives and in some of my lives I did some ugly stuff to somebody else. Now it’s time to pay my debt”. A daemon would then be the way life forces you to pay whatever you own.

Other way to see them are like teachers. They’re here to point you to some very specific areas in your behavior which needs adjustments. It may be that those areas are so hidden, so hard to be perceived by you, that the necessary force to point your head into that direction should be out of proportion. It may be that you’re avoiding to learn some lessons, or you’re ignoring them. Then, disguised as daemons, those forces are pushing you to become more humble, more quiet or more helpful. Somehow.

In my experiences, these positions are following a certain hierarchy. The victim position is the first level, followed by the karma position and then, after you’ve been both a victim and debtor, you can’t find any plausible explanation other than there must be a lesson to learn. I followed this pattern too. First, the victim and the complaining, then the karma part, then the lesson part.

But, and here comes one of the most incredible discoveries I made in the last few months, you can face the same daemons again and again even after you’ve been through all those levels. Yes, you overcame the victim position and you can take it in your face. Yes, you paid your karmic debt, even with interest. And yes, you learned your lesson again and again. And still, you’re facing those unstoppable, ugly and destructive forces.

The truth is there isn’t any logical explanation for their existence. For a while, those victim, karma and teaching explanations are good. They keep you sane under pressure and they give you a little bit of mental comfort. But after you’re above all those levels you realize that, as frightening as it sounds, those daemons are out there (or inside yourself) for the same reason you are here: they have the right to be. They have their own life. They have their own choices. They have their own existence.

Yes, their temporary role may be to point you to some vulnerabilities in your life, yes, they may act like karma triggers, and yes, they may teach you some tough lessons, but they’re as alive as you are. And I’m talking especially about people here. Because it’s easier to spot that in people. Many daemons are manifesting intermittently through other people (I guess in some areas this is called “to be possessed”) and you can sense them manifesting long after all your lessons have been learned. Those people don’t realize they’re carrying with them other energies. They don’t even know they’re daemons to you. They think they’re doing the “right thing”.

That’s frightening. It really is. But it’s also liberating, in a subtle way.

Because it suddenly puts you in a position where you gotta take action. You gotta make and maintain some boundaries. You gotta protect yourself. You really do, otherwise you’re going to be consumed. You’re going to cease to exist.

What Keeps A Daemon Alive?

At this point, and that would be the second discovery I made in the last few months, a fundamental question exploded right in my face. If daemons are alive and have their own existence, what keeps them alive? They’re part of this universe so they must obey to the same rules. In order to be alive and act as they act, they have to feed themselves with something.

If at this point you’re going to think “are we going to see a Twilight trailer now?” you’re wrong. I know the most common icon of a daemon is a vampire, and, to some point, it’s a correct image of a daemon. But the fact that you must feed a vampire somehow is the only resemblance to what I call daemons. The rest is just literature, movies and gibberish. So please, don’t read away if you’ve been drawn here by a vampire-like vibe in this article. Because if there is one, it’s completely unintentional.

Back to my question, after a few weeks of playing back and forth with it, the answer emerged. Clear and elegant. Simple and surprising at the same time. Because I realized the correct question was not “what keeps a daemon alive”, but “who keeps a daemon alive”. And if you look at it this way, the answer is obvious: YOU. The daemon is fed by you.

To be more precise, by your reactions. Let’s try some examples here.

Suppose you’re the victim of an abusive partner. He or she may abuse your time, your affection, your body or your money. Whatever the object of their abuse, they keep doing it for as long as you

1. allow them to connect with you
2. react to those interactions, releasing some energy

So first you must accept to play that game and second, you gotta allow them to make an impact. Be sad, or frustrated or angry. These are the energies that are actually feeding the daemon inside your partner. The more you release them, the more he or she will continue to do what it does to you.

In a magic and almost epiphanic way, I witnessed this a number of times in my life. Never been able to put my finger on it, so to speak, but looking back (without any anger) I can see it clearly. Every time I avoided connection with some of my daemons and preventing any energy to be released, those daemons disappeared. Interestingly enough, they only disappeared from my life. In their own circle of life, they found other sources of food. And they’re continuing to feed themselves off of other people hate, sadness or anger as we speak.

How Not To Feed A Daemon

So, after making some knots and pulling some strings, after putting together all my experiences with my own personal daemons, I was finally able to share my experience in making a daemon hungry (and eventually making him disappear from your life). It’s not a manual. It’s just sharing my personal experience.

1. Identify The Daemon

That’s the toughest part and it takes some time to master it. Because, as I said, those daemons are not manifesting 100% of the time. Or if they are, we’re talking about icons of destruction like Hitler or Stalin. Most of the time, these daemons are taking the form of repeated behavior, habits or approaches from some people around you. The closest the people, the easiest to identify those groups of actions.

In other terms, this would be the stage in which you’re trying to assess what exactly is making you an abused person in that relationship. It’s something like: “well, my partner doesn’t have a job, so I have to work for both, but at the same time my partner doesn’t really do anything to get a job”. You may be in love with that partner, but the fact that he or she is putting you on an abused position (being the only support of your common life) may be the sign of a daemon manifesting. That would be the “I’m living off of your resources because I’m too lazy/scared/negligent to create my own resources” daemon.

Another example is when other people are questioning (or even destroying) your accomplishments. Again, they may be “normal” people but they’re constantly trashing your life, your successes, your breakthroughs. This would be the “I’m minimizing your life because that makes me feel better” daemon. In this case, it may be that your success is so visible that it scares other people out. Doesn’t really matter that you’re not intending to scare them, they’re just scared and they’re allowing to that daemon to manifest.

2. Assess Your Behavior

If you’re sure that you identified the correct daemon, it’s time to pass it through the 3 levels test, the victim, the karma and the lesson.

But first, try to see if that’s a real situation. Most of the time, the daemons are pointing to real life situations, stuff that you’re currently doing, or that you’ve done in the past. They’re able to track you down because you’re leaving a visible trail. Try to see if you’re really abused or it’s just your imagination. It takes a lot of time to clear all the potential confusions, but it’s an important step in making your daemon hungry. Because if they’re referring to a real life situation and you didn’t take care of that, they’ll have all the rights to come back and hunt you again and again. It’s like raising a flag: “hey, I’m an egotistic bastard, come and hunt me”.

But if you’re 100% sure that you’re innocent, go through the 3 levels test.

First, the victim. If people are abusing you, get rid of the victim behavior. Yes, they may shout at you. Yes, they may throw ugly words at you or do painful stuff. Stop questioning “why me?” because this won’t go anywhere. Take it right in your face. And move on.

Second, the karma. Do you feel like you deserve this, in a subtle and reconciling way? Do you feel like you’re actually owning something to somebody? If the answer is yes, pay your debt. But don’t get too comfortable paying debts. Any debt is limited in scope.

Third, the lesson. Can you see the process from the outside? Can you see what triggers the daemon and what validates his approach? If yes, it means you learned your lesson. And if the daemon still comes after you, then it’s because you still throw some food at him.

3. Avoid Contact

Ignorance is highly underrated. I wrote it before and I will write it again: the art of ignorance should be taught in schools. The first and fundamental step that you must take in order to get rid of your daemons for good: avoid contact. But it’s also the most difficult to take and here’s why: daemons are not manifesting 100% through people, as I already said, it’s just parts of the people which are under that control. So the most common reaction is to avoid the person altogether. Which will not work as expected. You’re throwing the baby with the bath water, as they say.

You gotta learn to ignore only the daemon part. And that’s the hardest one because you’re dealing with a person as a whole, not with a few discrete parts. It’s difficult to make them understand that you created new boundaries. But that you’re still willing to engage with them in interaction as persons. It’s difficult for you to do it and it’s confusing for them. But it’s fundamental.

At this point, the daemon will start to worry. Without an outlet for his traditional actions, it will start to act erratically, making the person who are hosting it even more confused, unsure and vulnerable. It’s sad to witness this from a distance but I suppose it’s also a necessary healing process. Usually, it can ends in only two ways: either the daemon finds himself another outlet, either the person itself gets rid of the daemon. The last one being the most uncommon.

4. Re-channel Energies

But what makes this contact avoidance even harder is that you’re not living in a world composed only by two entities: you and the other person. You’re living in world made by thousands of connections, many of them common between the two of you. So, you may try to avoid the direct contact with that person, but their energies may reach you through other persons. For instance, you may have common friends or partners. Or, and this case is excruciatingly painful: you have a child together. That child will become the innocent carrier of those daemonic energies and start to move them back and forth between you two without even knowing it.

So, what can you do when you avoid contact with the parts you’re not willing to deal with anymore, but you still get those abusing energies? The normal answer is sadness, frustration or anger. Those emotions are pure energy. And that energy will get back in the subtle field of energies, feeding the daemon as he or she expects. So, avoiding contact is not enough. The only chance to make the daemon go away for good is to re-channel those energies. Not reacting is impossible. That will be the equivalent of being dead.

But as you face the abuse through other messengers and identify its source, you can choose how to react. You can re-channel your responses. Instead of anger, choose physical exercise. Instead of sadness, choose joy and laughter. Instead of frustration, choose party. Yes, you reacted. But your reaction was on a different frequency. The daemon couldn’t get it. They’re fed with sadness, anger and frustration and if you choose something different, it means you’re actually condemning them to starvation.

A Hungry Daemon Is A Weak Daemon

But it’s also a furious one. A daemon ready to do anything to get a little bit of energy from you. So, the weaker your daemons are getting, the more desperate their actions to re-connect with their preferred source of food will be. Keep that in mind whenever you’re ready to think: “starving a daemon it’s not a good strategy”. It’s actually proof that what you’re doing is getting results and the daemons are becoming really, really hungry.

***

So, daemons are real. They’re feeding with our anger, frustration and sadness and they’re playing only the game of abuse. Most of the time, they’re pointing to our real flaws, our real mistakes, our real stupid steps. Most of the time, they’re just a finger pointed to our own problems.

But, once you solved your problems, you realize they’re as real as you are and they have this habit of getting addicted to you. Yes, you may have been played the victim, yes, you may have had some karmic debt, yes, you may have to learn a hard lesson, but after you’ve been through all these, after you solved your own problems, it’s time to stop. It’s time to kill your own daemons by starvation.

And then move on.

Source: dragosroua